The Wonder of Sitting in Silence

The other day, I was listening to a podcast, and the host joked that his therapist asked him if he remembered to “sit in silence for 10 minutes every day. ” While the podcast host played it off as a hilarious suggestion, I thought it was some of the best advice I’ve heard a therapist give.

That’s because I recently figured out why I always look forward to visiting my acupuncturist. It’s not because I particularly enjoy having tiny needles stuck in me (although you mostly can’t feel it, and it really does remarkable things to your body). It’s because my acupuncture visits are one of the only times I’m able to do nothing. No phones, no watch, nothing pinging at me. No internet to scroll or emails to read.

I just lie there on the table, in a quiet room, and let my mind wander.

Meditation for Real People

I’ve tried meditation, and while I’ve had a few good sessions, I only truly made my peace with “meditation” when I stopped trying to meditate. Trying to focus on my breathe or counting backward from 100 by 3’s, or whatever technique I was using, was always way less gratifying than just letting my brain do what it wanted to do, which is think about other stuff.

Our brains are always itching to do this anyway. Whenever you’re reading a book and you realize that you have no idea what you just read? Or you’re in a meeting and someone calls your name and asks what you think about what was just said, but you have no idea what was just said because your mind was somewhere else? That’s your brain pulling on its leash, begging to run free, smell flowers, and explore under rocks.

Of course, my “revelation” is no revelation at all. Brain researchers have known for ages that letting our minds wander is great for us. It helps us solve problems, see connections, and digest what we’ve just read, seen, heard, or experienced. It’s why we often have great ideas in the shower. It’s one of the few places we can’t take our phones!

For a great discussion of this, I strongly recommend Johann Hari’s book, Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention — and How to Think Deeply Again.

Of course, since the internet, smartphones, and social media have taken over our lives, we have no more mental downtime. The time we used to spend standing in line, waiting for an appointment, or riding the subway is now spent head-down and scrolling. But those of us who grew up pre-internet spent a lot of time being bored and staring off into the distance. I miss it so much, and I hope that my granddaughter will find a way to do it herself — despite all the distractions that exist today (not to mention the ones that haven’t been invented yet).

Making More Time for Mind Wandering

It can be next to impossible to find dedicated time to sit in silence and let our brains go off-leash. But, ever the multi-tasker, I have a few times in my day when I can bathe my brain in silence:

·      Driving: If I’m driving in the city with lots of traffic, this is a non-starter. But when I’m on a road trip, I can get in a lot of silent-sitting. This means I don’t get in all the podcasts, music, or audiobooks I had hoped, but it’s a good trade-off.

·      Taking a walk: I usually have the dogs with me, so this one is 50/50. But if they’re not too distracted, my walks are prime mind-wandering time.

·      Lying in bed: Before I go to sleep, or if I wake up in the middle of the night, I like to give my brain the freedom to meander. I stay away from big problems, since those can keep me awake, but mind wandering can be surprisingly soothing, especially if you’re planning a beach vacation or designing your dream bed.

Music can either help or hinder your efforts. If I want to let my mind wander, I select my soundtrack carefully. One excellent choice is pianist Ludovico Einaudi’s Seven Days Walking (my favorite track is Day 1: Ascent). I don’t recommend the 10-minute version of Taylor Swift’s All Too Well because it’s just too gutting, and you can’t help but spend those 10 minutes reliving your worst relationship. It’s a masterpiece in songwriting, but a terrible candidate for mind-wandering.

Have I solved any of the world’s great problems by sitting in silence? No. Not yet. But it has given me time to ponder the good in my life, be grateful for it, and realize that some (maybe most) of that good wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for the bad. Those challenges and blessings have combined to make me a wiser, stronger, and more generous version of myself than I could have ever dreamed of. And that’s why I’ve had the same signoff for almost a decade:

#OnlyJoy